I’m having a hard time keeping up with exercising but that’s no surprise. I don’t do well with scheduled. I’m incapable of being organized for some reason. But that’s alright. I still get things done…eventually. Besides, I’m worrying about other things right now.
One thing being school. I’m already a little behind but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’ve been studying since I woke up this morning and it looks like I’ll be taking my first test tonight.
The second thing being the surprise party this weekend for my husband’s coworker. I LOVE this man’s fiance. She’s great and knowing that she’s the one planning it makes me a little less stressed over the fact that there will be around 10-20 people there. Most of which I won’t know. I guess because I’ve spent so much time alone at home lately and also going to the couples retreat helped relieve some social phobia symptoms, I’m more than ready to go out this weekend. We’re going to dinner and then having a bonfire at their place afterward. It’s been so warm lately, which I miss dearly. And plus I’ll have my dog there. There really isn’t a whole lot for me to worry about. I’m pretty much going to be in my element so I’m actually excited!
The third thing is writing my book. I know there’s a lot involved, research wise, because this isn’t a full fiction book. While it is a made up story, I’m incorporating mental health and it’s very important that I get this right and express it the right way to my audience. I want to help people understand these issues a little better.
The fourth thing is getting a job. I’ve been trying to grab some freelance work but I’m young with no credentials, so of course, no one’s interested. And lately money has been tighter than ever and I’m just spending too much time at home. So we came up with the solution of me finally getting a job. It would be perfect since all of the money I make will go directly into savings. Of course, I’m nervous. I’ve only ever held those small under the table jobs from family or friends. This is a little nerve wracking. But I need this. We need this. I want to get out of this apartment. I want to save up for our future. It’s important. My social phobia has made getting a job impossible but I’m feeling good and doing better, so I want to take a step forward, not stay in the same place. If I don’t move forward I know I’ll end up in another rut and my depression will come back. I’m not willing to go back to that. I want to be better than ever and I’m ready.
I went off on a little thing there but anyway, the fifth thing is definitely the most stressful. I have to tell my sister that I’m not having a wedding. I’m not interested and I’m sick of trying to make others happy when it makes me miserable. I got married at the courthouse for a reason. I can plan some big family get together some other time. Right now I have other things to focus on. Like, for example, seeing if my dad will loan us the money to get my car out here. We only have one car and my husband’s hours aren’t always precise, plus I’d like to be able to go places when my husband isn’t home.
Yeah, there’s a lot going on here. But it’s good. Summer is here and I’m moving on with my life. I’m trying really hard to not let myself get down about my emotional and physical problems. They don’t define me. I define them. And I can make my life whatever I choose. I’m not letting those things hold me back anymore. And I’m very happy about that 🙂
I Choose Happiness 
I really know how it is, trying to get life in order enough to keep a schedule, I’m working on that too. For me it’s work, my crazy long commute, side photography and my back pain at the moment. Keep up the good work!